Let It Burn

I've worked in an area of my professional field for the last 11+ years that you could say trends more to the left, politically and socially. Maybe not necessarily the broad sweep of my field, not nursing in general, but my distinct corner of nursing and healthcare. It's a model of healthcare that's pretty widely supported across both sides of the aisle, but a lot of the professionals that work in this area also tend to lean left. I should also asterisk that by saying there may be more right-leaning professionals than I'm aware of, as some have probably learned to commingle (like me) without upsetting the status quo for fear of being ostracized (or worse).

I think most people would comfortably (or uncomfortably) say that I trend pretty heavily to the right. As it pertains to my professional career, I don't hide it, but I've also developed an informal tactic you could say, for keeping the peace (and my job), while still maintaining my principles.

In 11+ years, it's never been a problem. 

Sure, there's been the occasional eye roll, and I've had to bite my tongue more than once, but that's a generally accepted price of clocking into the workforce every day, across all professions. I've always found a way to keep my eye on the prize, and never doubted my purpose, my mission, or the impact I wanted to make for our patients.

Lately (say since Jan 20th 2021), though, I've been struggling.

There's been a switch, that is really almost unpalatable. 

For example, we were embarking on a project with a partner to improve health outcomes for disparate populations and held a "meet and greet" Zoom meeting. It was a brief call, but I signed off feeling more 'icky and slimy' than I ever want to again. There were a lot of topics introduced as an outline for this project that push the boundaries of, well, everything that is core to my principles, values, and beliefs. I like to think I'm someone who's willing to keep an open mind. I'm willing to engage in honest and open conversation and consider opinions that aren't my own. A lot of these opinions, though, aren't presented as opinions, anymore. They're presented as facts and this shift has made me feel trapped. Like I'm cornered into this dark place between keeping my job or protecting my values. 

I believe everyone deserves respect and kindness. I believe everyone deserves access to quality healthcare, free from bias and prejudice. I don't care who you are, what you believe, or what you call yourself. The quality of care I provide as a nurse is uniform across the board (stellar, if I do say so myself), regardless of any other factors. But that doesn't change science, or more specifically, biology. 

I hate to even use the word "science" anymore, because some groups/causes have compromised even the legitimacy of what that has always meant.

There are no clearly defined rules or expectations anymore. There are constantly moving goalposts and no established end game. I think some of that is inherent with a global pandemic, obviously, but at what point do we just say, "No. I'm done."? I can hardly see the reasons I used to enjoy my job through all the, ugh, just the bullsh*t.

I know I'm not the only one walking this tenuous line, right now. With this administration's latest edict, workers across the country are being forced to compromise their principles or their job. 

That's not freedom.

There are a few common arguments I've heard lately in support of mandates and criticizing those who champion freedom. In America, with some obvious exceptions that pertain to discrimination, disabilities, or outright breaking other established laws, etc., employers have the right to dictate their conditions of employment, and while I may not agree with particular conditions, employees have the choice to accept those conditions or find alternate employment. That's true. That's how at-will employment works. Freedom in America extends to businesses, and thanks to Biden's recent ETS and OSHA mandate, protecting workers (and your bottom line) is costly. One of the most efficient ways of protecting that, is, you guessed it, vaccine mandates.

However, this edict is not freedom for employers or employees. It is over-reaching government tyranny. 

The other is public health--that this is a public health emergency, and it's the government's job to protect us. Wrong. It is not the government's job to protect our health. It's their duty to protect our rights and our country and if you think they're doing ANY of those things right now, you're delusional. Not our health, not our rights, not our country. Failing on all accounts. (Also, if necessary, public health is a state matter, by precedence. No need to jump in, Joe.)

The last (not least), is 'Christianity'. That if I'm a good Christian, I'd do what I'm told to protect those who are vulnerable, because it's what Jesus would want me to do. Here's the problem with that. I am responsible for my soul. Not you. Not our government. I do not need the President of the United States of America doling out "moral" executive orders to ensure I get to Heaven. In fact, this administration is the LAST place I'd turn to for guidance. Thanks for your concern, but no. I am a sinner, no doubt, and am constantly reassessing my footing, but my aim is to keep Jesus front and center in my decisions, and no one else needs to decide what those are, for me. I think children are THE MOST vulnerable among us. I question the moral judgement of a lot of people on the daily (like every second of every day) and I think we're doing a grave disservice to their futures with the priorities, and subsequent measures this administration has put in place. But. I pray for their hearts, minds, and souls (our children and the people of this administration) and try to engage, without judgement, in openly and genuinely spreading God's message of love and forgiveness. DO NOT tell me I'm not a Christian. Your high-handed condescension is unwelcome and unnecessary. 

The irony for me is, duh duh duh...I'm vaccinated! Against Covid! And not like one of those t-shirts that say "I Identify As Vaccinated." I really, truly am inoculated. Early on and by choice. But this mandate kind of makes me wish I wasn't. I'm not, in reality, facing any "gauntlet", but I still feel like I need to take a stand. For freedom and in solidarity. 

One day out of curiosity, when I was just fed up with junk like preferred pronouns and equity of health outcomes, I googled "most conservative professions". Just out of curiosity. Find a field where I could get a reprieve from all the woke-ness. See if anything caught my fancy. 

Verdant Labs (whoever they are) had this breakdown available. Where does your profession align? Do you fit the mold or are you channeling your inner Dory, keeping your head down and "just keep swimming" through all the BS?

Physicians as a whole were pretty left leaning, with Ob/Gyn's being more liberal and anesthesiologists trending more to the right. Surgeons, though, by and large were more right leaning. Only pediatric surgeons trended more to the left. Not that I'm considering becoming a physician or anything. Nor do I have the intelligence, qualifications, skill or, education, namely to become one. Just thought it was interesting. 

It also indicated that nurses trend more to the left. Obviously, I'm in the wrong field. Most of these also probably vary pretty significantly based on, well, many factors, but geographic location being one of them.

Writers were also majorly liberal. Damnit.

Beer wholesalers were listed pretty far right, which is an enterprise I could get behind, while yoga instructors were pretty far left, which I'd be awful at. Zero flexibility. 

No real surprises there.

It's also not surprising that ag/farming was listed as pretty right leaning on the spectrum, but it turns out cattle feeders are one of the most conservative divisions of agriculture.

Wonder if my husband is hiring and what kind of references I need? I will take literal shit over figurative shit right now (although knowing my husband there will also be his own brand of figurative shit). Do cows have preferred pronouns and do they have to do zoom meetings? If not, I'm in. 

This spiraled a little. Clearly, that all was weighing heavy on me. If you're a proud, contributing part of the American work force who's being forced into making an untenable and/or unconstitutional choice, I can't tell you what the best choice is. If you're facing your version of 'icky and slimy', know you're not alone. Even if Joe Biden thinks he knows what's best for you, only you can decide what the best decision is for you and your family. Choosing between supporting yourself or your family and compromising your beliefs isn't a place I ever thought Americans on a massive scale would ever find themselves. I'm sorry we're in these circumstances, and I'm praying for you and for our country.